


Malaphore

by reasonablyradioactive



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Multi, Suicide, after that mostly fluff, all reader x sans, maybe fontcest in the future?, multiple possible ships, only sads in first shapter, only suicide in first chapter, or reader x papyrus, otherwise no death, reader had a sad past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-04 20:46:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18820408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reasonablyradioactive/pseuds/reasonablyradioactive
Summary: sometimes to make it through hell, you have to go to hell? that make no sense! reader is constantly crushed my lonleyness and despair and decides the best thing she can do for everyone is... well... die. but life does not end with death! follow reader as she meets some friendly (and not so friendly) skele-buddies in hell! (which is not so hellish). semi-slow burn as i want to wait to start shipping till after reader meets everyone but i may be persuaded to speed things up!this is my first fic in over 5 years so please, constructive criticism is welcome, needless hate is not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Malaphore: is an informal term for a mixture of two aphorisms, idioms, or clichés (such as "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it"). Also called an idiom blend
> 
> Hay guys! I’m not going to lie, this is the first fic I have written in a very, very, verrryy long time. And between college and work I don’t know how often I’m going to be able to update but I’m going to aim for once a week and if I get bitten by the plot bug, they may come out faster! I am also too scared to ask any friends of mine to beta read this so, if any of you lovely people want to pre-read and fix anything, I would be more then grateful for your assistance! I am also down with any ships for MC but only after I get her introduced to the main 6 AU skeletons I want to include (undertale classic, underfell, underswap, swapfell, horrortale and dancetale!) so if you guys want a certain ship let me know in the comments! Also let me know if you want me to include other characters (ink!sans, error, fresh etc.). 
> 
> Lastly because I’m old I would like to say I do not own characters from Undertale or its AU’s, they belong to toby fox and the AU’s belong to there prospective creators. Also, I have read so many undertale fanfictions that I’m sure some of my ideas may overlap other authors stories so If this seems close to any other fic’s please let me know and I will credit the authors!

Chapter 1:   
you’ve made your bed, now burn in it.

 

Every time they talk about suicide in social media, 9 times out of 10 its from the family and friends’ point of view. They are always sad, and scarred, and weeping about how they never knew that so and so was this far gone. Let me tell you, that’s bull shit. There are ALWAYS signs. And if you never cared to see them… did you honestly care for that person?   
I had tried everything from smoking to taking half of a bottle of random meds I found in a friend’s parents’ bathroom to ‘get out’. I was always so alone. My family cared about me as a means to an end. Could they brag about me? One up their friends? Could I give them attention? And granted my past was not pretty, and the only family that even talked to me was my mother but still. I knew the moment I did anything that was considered ‘not acceptable’ I would be ignored as punishment. When ever friends got too close, when they started to peek behind my curtain, I would push them away, knowing deep down I was toxic to everyone. Why should I try? Why sound anyone try anything ever. I was a burden on everyone. 

Working a dead-end job, going to a college that I had consistently withdrew from 2 classes every semester, not that anyone knew that. I was a burden on my family, on my college, on my job, on my friends… hell even on the goddamn government from the debt I was in. I was desperately trying to portray a person who had there shit together, who had money for rent and grocery’s. The final straw was when the one person I trusted the most, a best friend who knew more about me than anyone, told me in a drunken stupor that she loved me. And when I told her I only cared for her as a friend… she dumped me. Alone. Again alone. Always so fucking alone. Now because I couldn’t make my self love her in the way she loved me, I was alone. Again. 

I planned it perfectly, to be the least amount of bother to everyone. I boxed the sad few items in my even smaller apartment and labeled the boxes in neat clear writing. ‘to go to mother.” “for donation: clothes.” “for donation: dishes and kitchen items” “to go to: so and so” I made sure my bills were payed for that month and I had sent in my two weeks notice two weeks ago. I cleaned my apartment till it shined and then wrote a handful of letters to people. 

I didn’t feel scared, or sad… only guilty that I had plagued everyone with my presence for as long as I had. Then finally, I took a long hot shower, I did some nice make up, made sure my hair was in a cute style and I had my most comfortable jeans on with a soft t-shirt. I laid a plastic sheet on my stripped bed and tacked it up on the wall so cleaning would be easy. I laid down and looked at my feet, worn comfortable red converse that had definitely seen better days. I dialed 911 and when the cheerful woman picked up the phone I smiled calmly.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“hello! How are you today”

“oh… um well! I’m doing well! Do you need assistance?”  
\  
“not right now, but can you send someone over to 336 maple drive, in 10 minutes or so?”

“I’m… sorry but why would you need police over at that time? Is this a prank?!”

“I’m sorry Mrs., no prank. But I’m about to shoot myself and I know if my body lays here for more then 15 minutes or so its going to smell pretty bad.”

“wait! Don’t, there’s people you can call! Don’t do this! Stay on the lin…”

“I’m… sorry but I’ve been looking forward to this, thank you for your time!” I hung up and turned off my phone. Then made sure I had a post it notes with my mother’s name and phone number on it. Lastly, I settled back and placed the hand gun muzzle in my mouth and I smiled. Finally. There would be no more pain, no more loneliness, no more sadness, no more constant struggle or worry. It would be over. I pulled the trigger.


	2. Let’s get all our ducks on the same page.

Chapter 2:  
Let’s get all our ducks on the same page.

 

Have you ever told yourself, I’m just going to nap for a couple minutes! Then when you wake up its 4 hours later and you feel so disoriented you don’t know what day it is, what time… even who you are? That’s how dying felt. I was alive, I closed my eyes, then I was standing there, looking down at my body. From the front I look so… peaceful. Mouth is burned and charred and it looks like some of my teeth are cracked, but the real damage is in the back. The entire hind portion of my head is missing and flung over the plastic sheeting. Oh good, I judged right and put enough plastic. 

I heard my front door get kicked open, rude I had left it unlocked, Assholes. Then, before I could see them run into my bedroom I was falling. Free falling. Like someone had pushed me over a cliff or down an elevator shaft. I had that gutless feeling and blind panic that always accompanies falling and Then, out of nowhere, I was laying on something cool and almost blindingly white. I groaned and cussed under my breath. When I looked up, I saw what looked to be a… skeleton of maybe average height? It was hard to see as he was leaning back in his seat, pink slipper clad feet propped up on an expensive looking desk. 

“is this really it? You sure you’re in the right place kid?” he looked over at me and I saw that instead of eyes in the large dark sockets there were only small white lights that seemed focused on me. I kept my cheek pressed to the cool tiles, my lips stinging slightly. I was definitely dead… why could I still feel?! I was supposed to be nothing, particles in the wind. Go back to space dust or… something. 

“what… skeleton got your tongue?” he kept his gazed and almost scarily wide smile on me. I sighed and pushed myself up slowly, limbs slightly shaky as I pulled myself to my full (y/h) high. 

“sorry, I guess death isn’t agreeing with me. I can feel it in my bones” I couldn’t help but snip. My day had gone nothing like how I had thought it would and after so much planning and hoping for nothingness… I was miffed the afterlife was nothing more than a… tacky corporation. The skeleton gave a light snort.

“that was bad… even for me. So, it looks like you committed suicide?” I nodded and looked around the room. White tiles, white shitty fluorescent bulbs, white walls. A picture of a… dog bone on the far wall was the only sort of decoration. 

“now I know ’heaven’,” he said it how people say Walmart in big cities, “has a pretty strict set of rules but… stars kid you haven’t done more than… steal some gum and maybe back sass some people.” He looks through the manila folder that was… surprisingly thin. 

“you even did enough good things the score should have evened out… let’s see.” He thumbed through the pages and I took the time to study him and his desk. He was wearing a loose but comfortable looking blue hoodie with white fur around the hood over a white t-shirt, and black basketball shorts. As for his desk it had stacks of folders and random papers strewn about, as well as a random sock? The only item marking the desk as the skeletons was a small, bronze name plate that said “sans the skeleton, judge.” The right and left side walls were lined in file cabinets as high as the ceiling and covering the entire wall. I was turning to see the door behind me when I heard a disgruntled huff from this… sans guy and looked back at him.

“so, I can’t see… everything of course but it looks like they sent you to hell because your pansexual and you committed suicide. You also renounced religion. That’s… honestly bull crap.” He looked me in the eye. “but I have to wait to see if my letter of review gets approved so your stuck here till then.” I looked at him and tried to put all the information together, but my brain felt scrambled. Now if that was due to being shot in the brain or just an overload of information, I wasn’t sure. 

“So… your… sans?” he nodded and replied,

“sans the skeleton demon, one of the 3 judges of hell” I frowned

"three? Shouldn’t there be… 4? Like the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse? And your names sans… as in without. So, sans the skeleton… but all you are is a skeleton?” sans looked at me with an almost shocked expression and he let out a full bellied laugh.

“ya know, I like you kid. You kill yourself and you have the guts to call out a judge of hell on his name. and yeah, I like puns” he shrugged and I sighed, rubbing my temple

“and I’m in… hell?” he nodded, then replied slowly

“yes.” I looked around frowning,

“then why does hell look like… an ikea that no one finished putting furniture into…” Sans let out a cackle 

“now I REALLY like ya kid. Your funny bone is on point. Hell has levels ya know? This is the introductory level. Then depending on how I judge ya, you go from level 1 – 9. And kid from what I’ve seen you’re going to get like…. Level 0.5.” he signed and stood up, stretching his back for a minute before walking over to a file cabinet. He reached around and grumbled for a minute before pulling out a manila envelope that looked full of… something. He walked over and I noticed he was maybe 2-3 inches taller than me to my surprise, and handed me the envelope. 

“in here is your ID card, a set of keys to where you will be living and a debit card for NBOH.” I raised an eye brow at him 

“the national bank of hell. Satan, or uh… Asgore as we call him is really terrible at naming things.” He shrugged

“there’s also a list of what jobs you will be performing till you get selected for a specific job, and a booklet on I don’t know… other dead human stuff.” He sighed and motioned for the door.   
“your keys will bring you to your house, and your ID will bring you to where you will go for your first job. There’s money in your account to furnish your house. And uniforms for your first week of jobs after that your expected to buy your own clothes.” he was reciting this like it was from a script and, honestly it probably was. He looked so tired and board, a complete 180 from when he was laughing at my jokes and seemingly stupid questions. Honestly, He seemed like a nice enough guy and it sucked he got stuck in this job.

“thank you, sans. Sorry to... be a bother…” there it was. I was bothering people again… was I incapable of not being a nuisance? 

“not at all kid. It’s my job. And I don’t mind it.” He waved me towards the door and I hurried towards them. Questions pushing at my lips but I kept them clamped shut as to not bother sans anymore then I already had. I had to work? In hell? Wasn’t I going to be like... tortured? I guess menial labor was a torture… of a certain type.

I looked in the envelope as I meandered through the halls and found a set of keys. Before I could look on them for an address they pulled out of my hands and hovered in front of me before slowly drifting forwards. Oh well… huh. I guess he wasn’t being facetious when he said the keys would show me where to go. I followed the keys down a hall and through some sterile looking double doors and found myself in a huge lobby with people rushing to and fro. Some looked haggard and others looked downright board. All the humans glowed a faint color and when I looked down at my hands, I raised a brow. Nothing. No colors. Huh. I shrugged and started walking after the keys when a felt someone bump into me and letters scattered over the floor. 

“I’m s-sorry!” the meek voice called out. I got a flash of green and when I looked there was a… frog demon? Or maybe it was a shadow demon with a… frog hat? There were the unseeing frog eyes and then underneath there was a pair of shifting eyes floating in darkness. I don’t know why but the first think that came to mind was a mimikyu. 

“no! its, absolutely my fault! I really wasn’t paying attention!” I leaned down and quickly gathered all the letters and handed them to the little demon. Shadowy hands pulled the letters into the darkness quickly.

“t-thank you…” the frog looked up at me and I could tell it was smiling even though the frog face didn’t change.

“don’t worry about it! I’m new so I’m still trying to learn everyone! My names y/n! nice to meet you.” I reached out and watched as a small shadowy hand slowly reached out and shook mine, it looked as if it was terrified, I was going to back hand it. I kept my movements slow and my face friendly,

“h-hi y/n… I’m froggit! Actually… all of us are… froggits…” the small demon motioned to the other frog demons scurrying about, but each of them had something slightly different about them. This one had faint freckles over its frog cheeks, and another had 2 dots instead of three on its chest. 

“oh, that must get... confusing. Do you have a nick name?” the froggit looked like it wanted to run, but also wanted to talk.

“n-not really…” I internally nick named it freckles and just smiled 

“that’s fine! I’m sorry for keeping you, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow!” freckles smiled and nodded then scurried off. I turned and looked at the keys that were dancing with impatience and I sighed, starting to walk after them.

“don’t get your ring in a twist. I’m coming.”


	3. people who live in glass houses, shouldn’t flog dead horses.

When jingles (the key ring) and I got to the house (my house?!) I was shocked. I was expecting something a lot less… nice. We had passed through some definitely dilapidated apartment buildings and then past houses that looked like they had been though a bombing before finally making it to a small almost suburban area.   
From what I gathered on my watch (I was hoping time worked the same here in hell as it did topside) it took me about an hour to get from Hell Co. (as I had dubbed it) to the house. My house. I had a house… fuck.

I walked up and the key slid itself into the lock, turned and I was brought into a small cozy… cottage was the only word I could think of. It had a small front porch that had trellises on either side just waiting for some kind of vines. Then as I walked in, I was met with a stair case to the right and an open style living/ dining room. I walked into the empty space and smiled at the small fire place and the built-in book shelves. I walked into the kitchen and was relieved to see it had appliances. There was a small amount of counter space and a small breakfast area with 2 well-worn stools. Then when I peeked out the door leading to the backyard, I was amazed to see I actually had a small backyard. It was mainly weeds and dead shrubs but I smiled, nothing a little planting couldn’t help! 

I never had enough money for a house or apartment with a lawn so all my plants had to be kept indoors. So, to see this… god I’m positive Sans was joking and this was actually heaven. I turned and went up the stairs to find 2 smallish bedrooms a bathroom and a master bedroom with a smaller attached bathroom. It had big windows looking out to the backyard and I sighed happily.   
When I turned, I noticed there was a large comfortable looking bed, devoid of sheets, blankets or pillows but at least I wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor. On the bed was 5 packages of neatly folded and pressed clothes and then a small… cell phone? I hummed and picked it up, looking through and seeing only a couple apps downloaded. One was a GPS called ‘go-to’, a local business finder called ‘find-it’, a calendar app called ‘to-do’, a clock and alarm app called ‘wake-up’ and a banking app. Huh. Satan… or... uh… Asgore really wasn’t good at naming things was he. 

I nibbled on my lip in thought. Why did these names sound so familiar? I don’t think I heard of them in any religious texts…? I huffed and looked at the time. 3:31. I opened the local business app and looked through before finding a store that looked to be like target. It was called arrow. I paused and let out a laugh 

“oh! If I see sans I should let him know! He’ll ap…” I trailed off and ran my hand through my hair. No. sans was a demon judge of hell he didn’t want to… be my friend. Fuck. Why did I feel so comfortable here already? 

I grabbed jingles and walked out of the house. Before I had gone more than 4 steps the keys flew from my hoodie pocket and went back to lock the door, then flew in front of me to jingle angrily.   
“sorry, sorry I didn’t even think about locking the door…” the keys quieted and slipped back into my pocket. ‘God…’ I thought as I walked ‘I haven’t even been in hell a whole day and I have more friends than I did topside. And one is a sentient pair of house keys. 

After 10 minutes or so I made it to arrow. There were 2 arrows crisscrossing as a brand image and everything seemed to be blue themed. I grabbed a cart and looked at my phone to check the banking app. 

“might as well see how much I have before I go nuts…” I looked through as I made my way to the linen section and had to pause to cough, double taking at my account. 

“what in the pickle pudding…” the number in my account was definitely 5,000 dollars. Or G. maybe their money worked like… Japanese yen? I looked at prices and nope… everything was definitely closer to us or Canadian currency. Fucking stars almighty sans! I don’t think I have ever had that amount of money in a bank account at once in my entire life. 

I walked through and picked up everything from sheets and pillows, to food and bathroom supplies. I wasn’t sure if I would still have a period but, this was hell and what would be more hellish then having my period for eternity.   
I wheeled my cart to the front and got in line. When I made it to the cashier, he looked to be a tired, overworked cat… man? No… a cat boy? Cat person… Ugh. I’m going to stick with cat demon. He got to my items and forced out in a saccharine sweet tone 

“welcome to arrow, did you find everything you need?” I looked at him and gave him a sympathetic smile

“yeah, it was great thank you.” He seemed to relax when I didn’t start harping on him. Then when my package of sheets wouldn’t scan, he looked up at me in the eye almost terrified. His nametag was almost clattering off him with how much he was shaking. 

“I… I’m going to call for a man…manager” I smiled calmly 

“it’s ok man, I got another sheet set, I don’t need that one! Don’t even worry.” He paused then blinked, looking at me oddly when I didn’t demand it for free. I worked retail for years. I know the game.

“are you…. Sure, little buddy?” I nodded

“yeah definitely! I worked retail for years, it’s totally fine. Believe me. I get it.” He visibly relaxed and gave me a small genuine smile.

“thanks, little buddy. You wouldn’t believe how many people here haven’t worked retail. Its great right?” he said it in a tone I know well. He meant 'it’s the actual worst and I want to die.'

“oh… yeah definitely.” I repeated in the same ‘please murder me’ tone and he chuckled. 

“names BP. And your total is 542G.” I smile and wave my phone over the ‘G-pay’ scanner and looked at all the bags. 

“y/n! and… I didn’t not realize how much I got. Crap.” BP looked at me and frowned a bit 

“you don’t have a car?” I shook my head “naw just got here.” He handed me a small card with a taxi logo and a friendly smile

“here, there not cheap but, they’ll get you home with your stuff.” I looked at bp and I honestly wanted to cry. Why was it every demon I had met was 1000 times nicer that any human. I was about to say as much when my point was proven when a middle-aged man called me a slur and told BP to stop flirting and get back to work. He had shit to do. Asshole.

I loaded my items into the cart and waved to BP before walking out and calling the number on the card. 666-666-6668. Well isn’t that an unlucky number. ‘river person taxi services’ picked me up and got me back to my house but I was 52G lighter. I kept the card in case I ran late for work one day in the future and put everything away tiredly.

It was late and I was exhausted, all I could think about was sleep, unable to even think about food, not that I was terribly hungry anyway oddly enough. I flopped onto the bed and after setting the alarm and setting my oddly bulky cell phone on the weird charging pad, I fell asleep.


	4. it tickled my fancy bone.

I groaned when an annoying ringtone that sounded like dogs barking in a slightly musical cadence woke me up. I slapped at the alarm and made my way to the bathroom, taking a quick shower and pulling my hair into a bun before slipping on what I could only imagine was a janitorial uniform. I pulled my converse on and after making sure I had my glasses on and my phone in a pocket I started off for work, the ID card clipped to my chest pocket tugging me this way and that.

I passed a coffee shop close to Hell Co. and stopped in for a small coffee, needing the caffeine. I looked around and snorted at the logo, ‘Sunbucks’ and its logo was of a bird. Why was none of these a deer? That had always bothered me that Starbucks had missed a chance to have a logo that was of a deer with stars between its antlers. And even this… Sunbucks was a fucking… bird. 

I got my coffee from a green haloed person and chugged it before getting to work. I signed in and was handed, a janitorial cart. Of course. I saw freckles and waved to the froggit as I walked passed and it waved back, happily doing a little jump before he had to trundle off. 

I looked at the list of what to do and frowned. I didn’t even get any training? I mean I had done cleaning before but… did they have a different way they liked it to be cleaned? I sighed and filled the bucket with soapy water before making my way to the levels I was to clean. 

I was mopping the already seemingly clean floors after dusting a few fake plants that had about 4 inches of dust on them and sweeping when I heard a bellow from an office down the hall.

“YOU CALL THIS COFFEE?!? THIS IS POND SCUM!” a tall, very pointy looking skeleton threw a human man through his doorway, bits of door flying everywhere, then the cup of coffee came flying out and hit the man in the face, he yelped and cowered. I kept my head down and pulled out my broom and dustpan, starting to methodically sweep up the debris. 

“I EVEN LET YOU WRITE DOWN MY ORDER AND YOU STILL MESSED IT UP! HOW ARE YOU SO INCAPABLE OF EVEN THE MOST BASIC O…?” I realized he had paused his rant, I thought he was simply gearing up to launch into a further tirade when I felt a hand like a vice, grab my shoulder. 

“CLEANING HUMAN. I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU BEFORE. ARE YOU THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN CLEANING THIS HALLWAY TODAY?” I blinked and looked up at the truly terrifyingly tall skeleton and kept my screaming internal. 

“yes, sir.” He looked around and focused on the area I had already dusted, scrubbed and mopped. 

“…YOU STILL HAVE A WAY TO GO TO BE AS THROUGH AS I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS. BUT YOU HOLD POTENTIAL. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A CLEANING HUMAN AT THIS FACILITY?” I blinked and tried to hold back a wince as his grip was getting painful. 

“today is my first day, Sir. I died yesterday, Sir.” I replied in the most respectful way I could as I did not want to end up like the poor bastard cowering as one of papyrus's’ heeled boots dug into the fleshy part of his thigh. Papyrus’s face looked marginally surprised for half a second before going back to a glower. 

“YOU SEEM TO HAVE PERHAPS ONE OR TWO MORE BRAIN CELLS THEN THIS IMBECILE. “he dug his foot down harder and the man whimpered. 

“YOU WILL FETCH ME MY COFFEE.” my brain snapped into barista mode and I waited. 

“I WILL TAKE A LARGE AMARICANO HEATED TO 153 DEGREES, 2 RAW SUGAR PACKETS, A SPLASH OF NON-FAT MILK AND 2.6 PUMPS OF CHERRY SYRUP. I WANT IT DOUBLE CUPPED AND 3 SPLENDA ON THE SIDE.” I nodded, trying to think of any other questions 

“would you like a stopper sir?” he paused and seemed to think 

“YES.” He released me and shoved a card at me. 

“I WOULD ALSO LIKE A BACON AND GRIER SANDWICH WITH NO EGG AND A TOUCH OF SALT.” I nodded and without taking more than a couple seconds I handed the broom and the janitorial keys to ‘bad coffee man’ who was trying to get up. I started walking towards the doors when I heard the skeleton holler. 

“STOP COWERING AND START CLEANING. IF YOU CAN NOT GET COFFEE AT LEAST TRY AND CLEAN, EVEN IF THE OTHER HUMAN DID MOST OF YOUR WORK FOR YOU.” I smiled, letting myself bask in the feeling of doing a good job for half a second. I made my way to the ‘Sunbucks’ I had been at earlier in the day and looked at the line. 

I sighed and when I got to the counter, then rattled off the order and the barista looked like she wanted to cry. There was only her and one other barista on and they looked like they were absolutely in hell. 

“I um... I worked for Starbucks topside; would it be ok if I made my own order?” the barista waved her hand.

“do I look like I give a fuck?” I shrugged and started working on the coffee and sandwich. I knew that the salt should be put on before going into the warmer and as it was cooking, I heated the splash of milk so it wouldn’t cool the amaricano, making sure the temp was right was I added the water to the espresso shots and sugar. I packaged everything up and slipped out of the packed store.   
I hurried back so it wouldn’t chill too much but with the addition of the liquid magic that seemed to be in everything the other barista explained food and drinks didn’t really get cold like human food. But I didn’t want to chance it. I made my way back and the other human was gone with the cart and I frowned at the streaky hall. Fuck you too ‘Bad coffee man’. 

I walked past an abandoned secretary desk and winced as I pitied the poor bastard that had to deal with this ogre every day. I knocked on Papyrus’s door, waiting for him to admit me. 

“YOU MAY ENTER.” I walked in and quickly placed his coffee and sandwich on his desk. He looked it over and then carefully poured half a bag of Splenda to the coffee and took a sip. He paused, looking at me with his blank sockets and all I could hear is my brain was ‘YOU FUCKED UP. YOU DONE DID A FUCK UP! WHAT DID U MESS UP?!’

“HUMAN. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” I looked back up from the ground and licked my lips before stating “y/n. Sir” he hummed taking a longer sip from the coffee, then taking a bite of sandwich. 

“TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF. TOMORROW WEAR A BUSINESS PROFESSIONAL OUFIT AND BE AT THE DESK OUT-FRONT AT 6 AM SHARP WITH THIS EXACT ORDER. DO NOT BE LATE.” He seemed to stare into my soul with that last sentence and I nodded 

“yes, Sir.” I waited for a minute and he grinned seeing as I had not left. 

“YOU ARE DISMISSED HUMAN Y/N.” I nodded and bid him a stilted good day and scurried away. I walked home in a tizzy. Had that meant I had done well? Had I made his order right?! Or was he so fuming mad that he was going to kill me after scalding me with coffee like ‘bad coffee man’ tomorrow?! Can he kill me if I’m already dead?! 

I groaned and walked into my bare house and instead went on my phone, ordering furniture and other large items I couldn’t get in person. My stomach rumbled and I realized the last time I had eaten food I had been alive. I looked through my phone and noticed a local business called ‘Grillbys’ that seemed exactly my kind of food. Greasy, and overall unhealthy. I went through my clothes and after setting aside a black pencil skirt, a white blouse and a pair of black flats for the next day, I fished out a pair of cute red shorts as it was a little toasty today and I was in hell so if someone died from seeing my thunder thighs they wouldn’t have to travel far. I slipped on a forgiving black t-shirt that simply said ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’ in white font and my worn converse. I ran a brush through my hair and gave up after that. I walked towards ‘Grillbys’ and when I saw the inviting brick front I smiled at my good choice. 

When I made it in, I noticed there were more demons then humans here but not, overwhelmingly so. I was about to make my way to a booth when I spotted a familiar blue hoodie at the bar. I waffled with the idea of leaving the poor judge alone but decided why not try and make more friends. I was going to be here for a while after all. I walked over and said lightly. 

“is this seat taken?” sans looked over in a board manor then perked up a bit. 

“oh! Hay! y/n! didn’t think I would see you socializing just yet! And aren’t you… supposed to be working?” he gave me a friendly grin as he poked me in the side with a boney elbow. I shrugged and looked at him sheepishly. 

“kind of? But a big scary skeleton named papyrus told me to take the day off and bring him coffee in the morning?” I went to sit on the stool but paused when I felt something that wasn’t stool like under my ass. I moved as if I was going to take my phone out of my pocket but grabbed the item and looked at it as I sat. 

“a whoopee cushion? Sans! I thought we were pals!” I looked at him and there was a large dusting of blue covering the top of his cheek bones, small slightly darker blue flecks showing up as well. Oh gosh... he has freckles… so cute! 

“you know I was going to feel this under my butt, right? Wouldn’t like… a whoopee cushion in the hand be better?” sans looked me in the eye before letting out a full body laugh; I was trying to see what he found so funny when he pulled out a small hand sized whoopee cushion. 

“oh… great minds think alike I guess!” I laughed and gave him back his prank prop. I looked up at the literal fire demon who had been watching our little conversation for a few minutes. 

“names grillby. What can I get for you?” I smiled in a friendly manner and ordered a burger and fries, then a soda.” He nodded and walked off. I turned to sans who was studding me. 

“so…. A tall scary skeleton told you not to work today?” I flushed. 

“I don’t mean any offence! He was just very… sharp looking. And he almost stabbed a guy’s thigh through with his boots.” Sans nodded, 

“ahhh edge.” I frowned, 

“edge?” I asked and Sans nodded before leaning his bony cheek in his palm,

“yeah, there’s quite a few skeleton demons around here. And uh... we tend to have similar names so we have nicknames, I guess. If you’re working for edge now you will probably meet his brother red at some point. He looks a little like me but his teeth are uh…” he motioned with his fingers over his mouth so they looked like fangs. I chuckled and smiled at him, 

“I’ll have to keep a… socket out for him.” I winked at sans and he snorted. 

“you can do better than that kid!” I tried to think before something he said caught my attention. 

“wait… now that I’m…. Working for edge? I just... thought I was bringing him coffee?!?” Sans tucked into his ketchup-soaked fries and shook his head. 

“edge is very… particular. He’s one of the head captains of hell and while he doesn’t like” he made his ketchup covered fingers into air quotes “frivolity. He does appreciate attention to detail. And he is VERY passionate about his coffee. So, if you got it right, he’s probably decided you’re his now.” sans phone beeped and he looked at it then sighed, showing me the screen. 

“yup. He just applied for your transfer. Sorry for your loss.” he laughed and stuffed more fries into his mouth messily. I looked at my own food and shoved three fries in my mouth at once. 

“oh joy. So, I fuck up and he’s going to beat my face in with the nearest stapler. And he’s a captain?! Fuck me.” I mumbled and stuffed more fries in my face after dousing them with ketchup and mustard. Sans looked at my fry mess before looking at me quizzically. 

“mustered? Really?” I looked him dead in the face and said, 

“must-ered you judge me, judge? In my hour of crisis? I thought I condiment more to you then that.” he looked at me and I saw his eye lights flash into different shapes for a second, I was thinking hearts but it was so fast it could have been stars. He then laughed so hard ketchup came out of his nose hole and I lost it when I realized he looked like he had a bloody nose.   
Grillby looked at us in a long-suffering manner before handing us tissues and walking off. Sans and my conversation turned rather light hearted as we traded terrible puns before he walked me back home. I stood at my front door and looked at him. 

“hay I know its late but… I have a question… why don’t I glow a color like the other human souls?” Sans seemed almost shocked at my question.

“you can see that?” he asked and I frowned. 

“yeah, can’t… everyone?” he shrugged, 

“not really. But you do have a color. It’s just faint… it happens when a soul starts giving up.” I shuffled a foot and frowned.

“I thought I HAD given up…” I rubbed the back of my head, feeling the parts that I knew my topside body was missing. Sans shook his own skull, 

“naw, if you had given up all the way you would have just, dissolved into nothingness.” I threw my hands up, 

“that’s what I had wanted!” sans looked at me with a raised brow bone,

“no, you didn’t. if you had really wanted that, you would have become nothing. But a part of you, however small, wanted to continue. And your... your soul is purple by the way, for perseverance.” He leaned forward and ruffled my hair. He had that freckly blush again and was turning away.

“night kid. Sleep well. You’re going to need it for tomorrow.” I huffed and when I opened my mouth to retort, in a blink, he was gone. I shook my head. 

“fucking… demons.” I shuffled into my house and locked up, letting jingles rest by the door before I changed into a pair of shorts and a comfy sleep shirt and passed out.


End file.
